


Love Is Beautiful Fear

by Finally_Facing_Failure



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Royalty, M/M, Royalty, The Selection, Yuuri has anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 22:59:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9094546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finally_Facing_Failure/pseuds/Finally_Facing_Failure
Summary: To become King, Prince Victor has to hold a Selection, to find a man or woman to marry. Yuuri is selected, but will his anxiety keep him from winning Victor's heart?





	

**Author's Note:**

> In this AU, no one judges you for being gay, or bi (as Victor is in this fic).  
> This is basically Victuuri in The Selection, in a country that's like a mix between Russia and Japan.

The way I look at it, there’s always more than one side to a person. Regardless of who you are, how you appear to others, there’s a different version of yourself in your head, one that even you can barely grasp yourself. At times, we let that version slip out, because we’re in company we trust, or because we’re just not in a position to give a shit.

For me, my true self showed when I was dancing. I revealed myself in a language I knew not everyone could comprehend, a language of twists and twirls. When I danced, I did not worry about appearances, for those who’d truly understand my body language would appreciate it.

Unfortunately, I’d never met anyone who _really_ understood. Yuuko came close, and Minako, when they were teaching me, but they’d never truly recognize the story I was trying to tell. Few people knew how to tell a story through dance. The only person I’d ever really admired for it was Victor Nikiforov, the Prince of our country.

As a Prince, he had many responsibilities, but he always found time to dance at parties and gatherings. I’d had the honour of seeing him once, last year, when he attended a party in our province. He’d entranced me from the very first song, but I’d been too shy to ask for a dance. Many a person got to share the dancefloor with him, but I stayed behind, watching.

Nothing would come of it anyway. Victor was bound to be King, quite soon, now that his father had passed away. His step-mother was not granted a chance as queen, for she was King Nikiforov’s second wife and had lost those rights as soon as she and her beloved were joined in marriage. So now Victor, 27 years old, was to be King. In order to do that however, he had to find someone to marry.

Following ancient tradition, he had to choose ten emissaries. They were to go to one of the country’s provinces and pick a man or woman to possibly join the future King in marriage. These ten contenders were to live at the palace, until Victor had decided which would be his spouse.

Minako’s voice woke me from my thoughts. “Yuuri! If you could just stop daydreaming for one moment, you might actually be able to notice the height of your arms during that turn! From the top!” I sighed, Minako was relentless when teaching. She was one of my closest friends, but as a coach she made me want to strangle her sometimes.

We practiced until nightfall, when Minako always went to the ~~only~~ local bar to drink. Usually, I stayed behind to dance some more, and today was no exception. I’d created a cd with all my favourite songs to dance to and I smiled as I inserted it into the CD player. It was a piece I’d been working on in secret for a while now. It was supposed to tell the story of my dancing; how it’d always been the most important thing in my life, the thing I loved most.

As the first notes of the song started playing, I slowly started moving along to the music. I hadn’t fully figured out the routine yet, but I just danced, eyes closed. At some point I started thinking about Victor, when I’d seen him live for the first time. I remembered the melody of the Italian song that had played, the twists, which Victor timed to the music, the peacefulness of his movements.

I danced to my song, thinking about him. I’d never been good at showing emotions, didn’t know how to tell people how I felt. But when I danced, I _became_ emotion. I was the giddiness of seeing Victor perform, I was the sadness as I saw him dance with other people, I was the anger at myself and the guilt I felt for my mental claim on him.

I finished my performance, keeping my eyes closed still. Then someone started applauding, disturbing the peace that had fallen upon the studio. My eyes shot open, blinking at the bright lights. Before me stood a woman, maybe around the same age as me. I’d seen her before, yesterday, in the studio. She’d been watching all the dancers, making notes. She started walking toward me, a gentle smile on her face. I took a step back, eying her warily.

“Right, sorry, I should probably introduce myself.” She blushed, halting a few metres away from me. “I am Isolde, emissary of Prince Victor for the province of Hasetsu.” My breathing halted. Emissary? Was she one of the ones tasked with finding Victor an eligible spouse? She smiled again, taking a few steps closer to me. “Please, take this letter. It contains a hand-written note from the Prince. You are invited to participate in Prince Victor’s selection.” She handed me a letter, her smile turning a bit sour.

“I’ve asked your teacher for you address. I’m sorry, but we leave tomorrow at dawn.” She said, tears in her eyes. She swiftly turned around, her ash brown hair almost sweeping my face. I stared at her until she’d left the studio, not sure whether or not I ought to believe her. But indeed, there was a wax seal on the envelope, with the nation’s symbol on it.

I opened the envelope, a small note falling out. As I picked it up, I noticed the curly handwriting, and then the name signed at the bottom. Victor Nikiforov. I’d truly been chosen to be a part of this selection, to possibly be Victor’s husband, to possibly be in the much desired position of King.

Why had she chosen me?

 

I arrived at the palace, and the first thing they did before meeting anyone at all, was dress me in a fancy suit, that looked more expensive than what all the clothes I’d ever worn were worth combined. I wasn’t introduced to any of the servants that were helping me, and I had no idea who was in charge. When I was dressed, Isolde came out to lead me to the room where I’d be meeting Victor. I still couldn’t believe this was really happening.

“I’m so sorry this is all so rushed, Yuuri!” Isolde apologized. “I took rather long picking you, so all the other chosen competitors arrived days before you.” I just smiled slightly at her, hoping to make her realize I wasn’t really in a talkative mood. She just smiled back and put a hand on my shoulder, before rushing me to the room. “You’ll be fine Yuuri.”

Turns out she was right. I was sat next to Phichit of Thainov and Guang-Hong of Chinoa. They’d already met a week ago and immediately involved me in their conversation about Victor. This guy who was sat opposite of me, Leo I believe, chirped in. “I’ve been here the longest, scouted by Victor’s tutor, Yakov. I haven’t even seen Victor once in the past nine days. Yakov said he’s probably making sure none of us have a head start on the others.”

I listened as they talked about Victor, even saying some little things every now and then. I started wondering whether or not the other competitors wanted to be here. When I voiced that question, it got little quiet around our table. A girl with red hair who was sat next to Leo smiled at me.

“I don’t think anyone thought this was going to happen, but we must accept it at some point. Chances are he won’t pick us and we’ll go home to our old lives.” “Mila, come on.” The brunette sitting next to Mila said. “Like our lives will ever be the same! Everyone will look at us differently now that they know we’ve been scouted.”

Phichit smiled. “Actually, it wasn’t a surprise I was picked. No one will think differently of me. I was picked by Sir Sasha, who’s a part of Victor’s Board of Advisors. My father is an influential businessman, so if Victor were to marry me, he’d secure a good relationship with the businessmen in his country.” I saw some people around the table look suspiciously at him, and Phichit shrugged. “I just hopes he marries for love.” I smiled at him, liking him instantly. “I hope so too.”

We chatted quietly for a while, until the servants harshly shushed us. I had no time to wonder why, as the double doors on the other side of the room were thrown open and a small group of people walked in. First and foremost, there was Victor Nikiforov, his white hair flashing in the bright lights. He’d cut it since the last time I’d seen him, and although it looked great on him like this, I sort of missed the long locks.

The second person, and the only other one I recognised, was Prince Yuri, Victor’s cousin. His parents had passed away when he was little, and now the fifteen year old Prince lived with Victor. The third, I assumed, was Victor’s step-mother, Lady Cecile. She didn’t come to the gatherings and parties that her late husband attended, as females were often not allowed to go. The two children that walked beside her must’ve been Princess Aline and Prince Luka, Victor’s half-siblings. They, too, weren’t seen often at parties, as Aline was a girl and Luka was only eight and therefore too young.

They sat down at a different table and were immediately served. As soon as the smell of the delicious (and no doubt expensive) food spread around the room, I heard my stomach rumble. I hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast this morning. They’d offered me lunch on the ride here, but I’d refused. I didn’t feel hungry as I was so nervous, but now that I’d arrived and made some acquaintances, the hunger came in full force.

A few servants came in to serve us as well, and I dug right in, secretly observing Victor from the corner of my eye. He was sitting next to Yuri, and although the latter looked insanely cranky, they seemed to be enjoying themselves. Victor then glanced over at us, probably realizing our entire table was staring at him.

He looked at every one of us individually, taking us in like we were paintings and he was an artist admiring the works. I’d like to tell you there was a dramatic moment between us, where we locked eyes and realized we loved each other, but no. He looked at me, I looked away, and by the time I looked up again, he’d moved on to Phichit.

Why’d I even think something would happen? Isolde had picked me, not Victor himself. He just had to spend a few days with me at the very most, and then send me home. He was probably going to marry Phichit, someone with experience in business would make a good King. I wouldn’t, with my anxiety and insecurities.

As I scanned the Royal table, I was surprised to see Isolde sitting with them. “Is Isolde a princess?” I asked Phichit, and he smiled at me. “Funny you should ask. I’m not supposed to know this, nobody is, but she is, according to theories. You’ve probably heard of the scandal, when Victor’s mother was still alive?” I nodded. “Yeah, the King supposedly had a kid with another woman, Lady Cecile.”

Phichit nodded. “There are people who think this child was Isolde, and that she was kept as a servant so she could stay at the palace.” “Really? That would explain how close she and Victor appear to be…” I said, looking at the two of them. Isolde saw me staring and smiled, standing up to make her way over to me.

“Enjoying your dinner Yuuri?” She said, and I decided that I liked her enough to maybe be friends with her. She appeared to be kind, and not as distant as the Royals, regardless of whether she was one of them. “Yeah, this is delicious! I could eat this forever! I really wish my sister could taste this, she loves food.” Isolde laughed. “Well, after the coronation, there’ll be a ball. Every contestant here today is allowed to bring a date. You could bring her to taste the food! Unless you’d rather bring a girlfriend?” She winked.

It became quiet around the room, and I realized people had been listening. Isolde coughed awkwardly. “Joke…” I would’ve smiled, but the death glares that were thrown Isolde’s way stopped me. Then Victor laughed, a bright, tinkling sound that made me want to laugh along. “Relax everyone! I’m sure Isolde knows a contestant is not allowed to be in a relationship until the selection is over. Right Izzy?”

“Yeah, right…” Isolde said, walking back to her chair. Everyone in the room visibly calmed down, and continued their dinner. Victor really had a way with people, commanding them without them noticing he was in control. I’m sure he’d make a great King someday.

However, I would not be at his side when he was ruling. I made a promise to myself, there and then. I would not stand in the way of his happiness. I’d heard stories about previous selections, where the candidates wouldn’t leave the premises and had to be escorted out. I would not be one of those people, I would not cause that trouble and pain. I’d go, voluntarily.

 

It’d been two weeks since we met Victor, and although no one but Phichit and a girl named Agnes had had a date with Victor, he hadn’t send anyone home yet. I hang out with Isolde and Phichit most days, and the three of us had become close friends. We shared personal anecdotes with each other, something I had never felt comfortable doing before.

Isolde admitted she’d chosen me because of the way I danced when I was alone, so carefree and peaceful. Phichit didn’t even seem a little jealous, probably because he was only here for a possible business arrangement, not love. Not that I was here for love, I was just here because I had to be.

“Well, basically, Victor is waiting until he has a better idea of you guys before he’ll really start dating. He wants to make sure that anyone who wants to leave, can.” Isolde was explaining to us. “That’s nice of him.” I said, meaning it. People were allowed to leave the selection, but only before they’d had a date. After that, it was up to Victor to send them home.

Phichit and I had been wondering whether or not we could ask Isolde about her family and her life. We’d become very close these past weeks, but it was still a new friendship. We didn’t really have the right to know. We’d come to the conclusion that asking her wouldn’t hurt. If she didn’t want to tell us, she didn’t have to.

“Hey Is?” Phichit started nervously. “Yeah?” Isolde answered, leading us to one of the main rooms to have tea. “Is it true that you’re Victor’s half-sister and the second heir to the throne?” Phichit just blurted out. Real smooth man….

Isolde halted and took a deep breath. “Guys, I trust you two, and I like you, but you can’t talk about this.” I just nodded, understanding. She smiled then, a twinkle in her eyes. “Don’t tell anyone, but yeah, I’m Victor’s sister. Not a Royal though, so not an heir to the throne.” Phichit eyes went big. “Why haven’t they made you Princess then?”

Isolde smiled sadly, continuing our walk. “Because the Board, Victor’s Advisors, consists of four misogynists. They’d have to approve of someone becoming Royal. They’re technically supposed to let me, as I have Regal Blood, but they won’t bring it up.” I put a hand on her shoulder. “That sucks.” Isolde just nodded miserably.

We were almost at the room, when we ran into Victor and his dog, Makkachin. “Well hello guys! Where are you off to?” He said, smiling handsomely. “To have tea, care to join?” Isolde said, inviting him. Before I could protest, Victor clapped his hands. “Yes that sounds fun!” So we made our way to the tea room, and opened the doors… To find Guang-Hong and Leo making out.

As soon as they heard the doors open, they pulled apart, both with bright red faces. “This… This is not what it looks like!” Leo said, eyes wide with terror. I took a deep breath, and heard Phichit and Isolde gasp as well. Such an insult toward the Prince was enough to be hanged! This shouldn’t have happened, why hadn’t they left on their own?

I looked at Victor from the corner of my eye, trying to figure out his reaction. To my complete surprise, he was smiling. “Leo, would you please join me for tea in my chambers? And Isolde, please let the household know I’ll be dining with Guang-Hong tonight.” With that, he turned around and walked away, a confused Leo following him.

That night at dinner, Leo didn’t show up, and in the morning we found out that both he and Guang-Hong had been send home, along with the four girls that’d been in the selection. When I made eye contact with Victor during breakfast, I raised one eyebrow suspiciously. Victor just smiled and winked.

 

A party was coming up, thrown in the honour of Prince Luka’s ninth birthday. There were four contestants left: Otabek, Christophe, Phichit and I. We were all to share one dance with Victor during the party. It’d been two months since I arrived here, and I’d been on two dates with Victor. One more than Otabek, one less than Phichit and Christophe. Not that I was keeping track.

Victor and I got along quite well. There was always something to talk about, and I really enjoyed playing with his dog, which he seemed to adore. But although I really appreciated the time we spend together, nothing had happened romantically. Phichit’d said that Victor hadn’t so much as touched him, but there were rumours of servants that’d spotted Christophe and Victor in a heated kiss. Isolde wasn’t spilling, regardless of the amount of times Phichit and I’d asked.

I was nervous about the party. I’d danced millions of times before, but whenever I did so competitively, I got anxious and screwed up. I’d been told by various people, including Phichit and Isolde, that I was a talented dancer, but I was too self-doubting to believe it. Regardless, I was to dance with Victor, and it could possibly influence the amount of remaining time I had at this palace.

The night of the party, I found myself dressed up in a blue suit, with sparkles on my shoulders. Isolde was helping me get dressed, putting a belt on me that was definitely just for decoration, as it was not helping my pants stay on my hips. “You need to eat more, Yuuri!” Isolde smiled as she looked me up and down.

“I really shouldn’t, I gain weight too easily.” I laughed. Not for the first time that day, I found myself thinking about Victor. “Are you and Victor close?” I said, not looking Isolde in the eye. She smiled fondly. “Yes, we’ve always been close. From the moment I was born, he was the only one who treated me as part of the Royal family. Not even my mom did that, for fear of being caught.

“He and I have gone on many adventures together, and this one may be the most exciting” Isolde squeezed my shoulder and then let go to find a hairbrush. As she started on my hair, she continued. “He’s always trying to make up for the life I’ve led so far. I don’t think he realizes I’m fine with the way my life is. I like it.

“Victor thought he was doing me a favour by making me his emissary, thought he was showing his trust in me. Truth is, however, that I resented him for it for a while. I hated having to do it, having to drag someone away from their life, only to torment them with the life we lead here. There was a very slight chance you’d end up liking it here, and an even smaller chance Victor would like you enough to keep you around. If I’d known how badly you’d end up falling for him, I wouldn’t have bothered worrying. “ Isolde smiled kindly.

“I’m not sure I’ve actually fallen for him.” I whispered, knowing she wouldn’t fall for my lie. Though the twinkle in her eyes told me she knew, she didn’t call me out for it. Instead, she took my hand and squeezed softly. “You’re here because Vitya likes you Yuuri. Don’t make it so hard for him to reach you.” I didn’t know whether or not I should believe her.

At twenty-two years old, Isolde had a better view of the world than most people. This was partly because she read a lot about her country and the rest of the world, but I think it was just a part of her. That knowing look she got in her eyes when she gave me advice, the way everything she said made sense- I believed it was just part of who she was.

Isolde was the only one in the Royal family that I really liked, besides Victor. Well, and there was Yuri. The guy was an ass most of the time, but I liked him regardless. Even though he was unnecessarily rude to me at times, I got the feeling he liked me too, at least a little bit.

Yuri came to pick Isolde up, as she was his plus-one for the night. This looked suspiciously like a date to most people, but I knew they were cousins, so I got what was really going on. I walked with them to the ball room, where most of the attendants were already waiting. Yuri and Isolde were to walk dramatically down the huge stairs, so I had to walk down by myself.

I found Phichit in the crowd, and together we watched as the royals were introduced. Victor was the second to last to be introduced, along with his sister Aline. Aline was fourteen years old, and she and Victor were different as can be. Where Victor had icy blue eyes, hers were dark brown, like her mother’s. Isolde had blue eyes, almost as bright as Victor. Both Aline and Isolde had the ash-brown hair their mother sported as well, but Aline kept it short and tidy.

As Victor walked down the stairs, his eyes met mine. That dramatic moment I was talking about earlier? It was definitely happening right now, or at least for me. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his smile, as it was so different from his usual smile, the one he flashed at as many people as possible. From the way his eyes crinkled when he beamed at me, I got the idea he reserved this smile for only a small amount of people.

It was over in a flash, and I had to look away, as Prince Luka was introduced. His smile was the brightest, his brown eyes almost golden in the lights. He strolled down the stairs on his own, and was greeted with applause. The little man seemed to relish it, the attention and love he was getting. It made me wonder how much of it he got on a daily basis.

Soon, the music started and we watched the first dance: Prince Luka with Princess Aline, with various members of the Royal household joining in. After the song ended, Victor was asked to choose the first person to dance with. His eyes met mine again, and I blushed in fear and excitement of being asked first, but he walked over to Christophe and took his hand. Ouch.

“Well, although I’m sure I am not your first choice, would you mind dancing with me?” Phichit said teasingly, holding out a hand. “Well of course, there’s no one I’d rather dance with.” I joked, and Phichit just raised his brows. “Not a certain devilishly handsome Prince?” He smiled. I stood on his toes more than necessary for that comment.

I watched as Victor danced with Christophe, the two of them laughing together. They seemed close, but I didn’t get the feeling there was any romance, but that was probably wishful thinking. Chris was closer to his age, and confident where I was not. I thought about what Isolde had said, that Victor liked me, and that she knew I liked him too.

How had she known that? I’d barely even come to terms with my sexuality, let along with my liking Victor. And had Victor talked to her about me? What did she mean when she said he _liked_ me, as a friend or more?

Before I knew it, the song ended and Phichit was asked to dance with Victor. After him, Otabek got his turn. Where Chris was sexy when dancing, Phichit was cute and flexible. Otabek was stiff, but exotic and obviously experienced. Why did all these people know how to dance?

Then it hit me. Of course they could dance, that’s why they were probably selected. Isolde had admitted she chose me because of my dancing, so of course the other emissary’s had too. Well, they’d looked at other stuff too, like background. Phichit’s father was a businessman, Christophe was rich and Otabek had family in a nearby country. I didn’t have anything to offer but little old me.

All of the sudden, Victor was in front of me, smiling politely. “A dance, Yuuri?” I felt all the eyes in the room on my, and I didn’t trust my voice enough to speak, so I nodded. I took the hand he’d offered me, pretending not to notice how I was sweating and shaking. Victor shot me a worried look, but he didn’t have time to ask me anything, as a slow song started playing. It was a song played on harpsicord, with violins ready to join in.

As soon as I took the first step, I realized I was way too nervous to dance. I miss-stepped right away, but Victor smiled and continued as if nothing had happened. I tried to snap out of my mood, but it wasn’t working. The song was about halfway, and I couldn’t focus on Victor’s hand in mine, his other hand on my back, the smiles, the encouraging nods. All I could focus on was the eyes that were on me and the faults I was making.

Then I fell. I am not quite sure how it happened, but I fell, and I almost took Victor along with me. I heard muffled laughter coming from the crowd, and someone sniggered. I took a deep breath, tears in my eyes, and ran. I didn’t know where I was going until I was there. It was a small meadow, mostly hidden by a group of weeping willows.

I’d come here a few times, alone with Makkachin. The dog had led me there, as if it’d known the meadow was there, and wanted me to find it. I sat down on the log of a fallen tree, watching the sun that was slowly hiding behind the far-away mountains. I sat there until it disappeared, and didn’t move, didn’t think.

And when the thoughts came, I wish they’d stayed away. I wish I could stay here, mindlessly, forever. But I am human, and humans have minds that like to disturb them. Mine more than others, it seemed.

I closed my eyes. Why did I always screw up under pressure? It wasn’t like people had been rude to me before, why did I always think they would when I was to dance in front of them? Victor was probably going to send me home. I’d been thinking he would for a while, and I was genuinely surprised he hadn’t before.

So I sat on that log, watching the light fade from the world around me, while feeling the light fade from myself as well. There was no music around here, but I knew that I needed to dance in order to not break down. So I just imagined being at home, in Minako’s studio. I danced to the sounds in my head, both the music and the thoughts that were haunting me, picking me apart and pulling me together.

I kept my eyes open this time, not that it mattered. It was almost completely dark outside, I must’ve been here for hours already. Whatever, if people wanted to find me, Makkachin could lead them here like he did me. I didn’t really want them to find me anyway, I was probably better off dancing on my own right now.

The song ended in my head, but I wasn’t ready to let go of the protective cocoon the dancing offered me. I was thinking of something else to dance to, when a voice sounded behind me, softly waking me up from my daze. “That was actually what I was expecting at the party.”

I turned around to find Victor, Makkachin on a leash beside him. I didn’t know what to respond to him because, yes, I expected myself to better as well. “However…” Victor said, walking toward me and stepping into my personal bubble. “Seeing you dance like that completely made up for it.” His eyes still sparkled, making me blush. I stayed quiet, the red in my face not visible in the moonlight.

“Yuuri, why do you dance so much worse when people are watching?” I sighed, whispering my answer and staring at his shoes. “It’s because I lack confidence.” Victor took my chin in his hand and lifted my face. “I know. You don’t look people in the eye unless you really trust them, it was sort of a sign for me. But you can trust me Yuuri, you really can!”

“I know that.” I said, wanting, but not daring, to look down again. “It’s just everyone else I don’t trust.” Victor leaned in, and for a moment I thought he might kiss me. “Don’t think of them, don’t think of the people watching or of the other selected. Just think of me.” “Is that supposed to make me less nervous?” I blurted, cringing the moment I said it.

Victor laughed, releasing my chin and taking my hand. “Dance with me, Yuuri.” Well, how could I refuse? I let him take the lead, following him. He started humming a song, which I recognized as a lullaby my sister used to sing to me. Moving to the familiar sounds, I was engrossed in the dance we performed together. For the first time ever, I was not nervous in Victor’s presence.

We danced together for what felt like hours, but probably was but a few songs. We danced slowly, our bodies in complete synchronisation. I couldn’t stop smiling, and I felt him sigh happily against my head. At some point we stopped dancing, just standing still in the meadow, basically hugging.

I felt his lips brush the top of my head, and my heart started beating like crazy. From the rumours I’d heard, Victor hadn’t kissed anyone, save from that one rumour about Chris, but I didn’t believe that anymore after seeing them dance like friends. Still, I couldn’t fully believe he’d like me. I was working up the courage to ask, when he squeezed my hand and let go of me.

“We ought to go back, Isolde and Phichit are worried sick about you.” Victor said. I smiled at him and nodded, at peace with that decision. Tomorrow was another day for talking, right now I just wanted to walk back with him and Makkachin, being reminded by his presence by his hand in mine.

We walked back mostly in silence, both content to just listen to the sounds of the night. That peacefulness was brutally disturbed once we entered the palace through one of the many back doors. Isolde had been pacing in circles, and she sighed when she saw us.

“Victor! Where have you been! The Board of Advisors had terrible news, but you were nowhere to be found!” Victor rushes over to her, that calm look that he had on his face completely gone now. “What is happening, does this have anything to do with the threats from the south?” Victor asked. I looked up, confused. There were threats in our country? Like what, rebels?

Isolde nodded, whilst ordering a maid to go get the advisors. In the minutes we waited for the advisors to arrive, Victor and Isolde spoke about the acts of violence that had been terrorising the country for a while now. Most of the terms they used were unknown to me, so I just pretended to be too busy petting Makkachin to listen.

When the advisors finally arrived, Isolde quickly introduced them to me. “Yuuri, you’ve met our Board, the Sirs Sasha, Gilligan, Vladimir and Joran.” I nodded to each of them, but only Sasha paid attention to me. “Right, Yuuri of Hasetsu.” He nodded back at me, but didn’t really seem to care about my presence, as he launched into a story about the rebels in the south.

“My Prince, you should know these terrors are a result in you _taking your time_ picking your husband.” Gilligan said, sweeping his raven black hair out of his face. Victor looked up, obviously offended. “I can take all the time I very well need.” He said, calmer than his expression betrayed he was.

“Yes, my Prince, but the rebels are restless because they have no King. We’ve received many insights from our spies, and if we’re correct, they plan to take over the palace next week.” I gasped, they were attacking the palace? “Sir, we can’t hold them of forever.” Joran said.

Victor sighed and thought for a moment before he spoke. “Very well then, tell me what must be done.” Vladimir send a venomous look my way. “You’ve already mentioned to our Board that you plan to take either Sir Phichit or Sir Christophe as spouse. We must ask you to make a decision tomorrow. We’ll be waiting in the throne room at noon.” With that, the four man turned around. The way they walked away seemed victoriously, as if they were walking away from a battle won.

I felt empty inside. Evidently Victor hadn’t really considered me, had he? It was fine, I needed the Advisors approval to become a Royal, and Vladimir had just made it very obvious I wasn’t getting it. Victor looked at me with sorrow in his eyes, hurt. He opened his mouth, but before he could speak he was pulled away by some servants who had to prepare him for tomorrow. It was going to be an event no one would forget.

Isolde walked me to my room, but although I realized she was trying to convince me of Victor’s affections for me, I barely heard a word she said. At some point she gave up and walked next to me in silence. I looked at her when I bid her goodbye, and there was worry etched into her face. My eyes filled with tears and I hugged her briefly, before entering my room and closing the door behind me.

 

Victor and I were standing in front of the throne room. He’d asked me to talk, and I feared he was going to send me home. Regardless of what had happened last night, he had a country to think of. Either Christophe or Phichit would be his King. But I didn’t want to leave, I really didn’t.

“We should be friends.” I said, looking up at Victor. “Friends?” Victor mused, tilting his head in adorable fashion. “Why?” “So I can stay here and then we’ll feel like we’re not alone and we’ll feel loved... At least for a little while.” “Yuuri, I-“ Victor started, but I interrupted him harshly.

“It’s your choice Victor. You and I both know you won’t keep me here forever, as I am not the kind of person that ought to be King. But if you let me stay here until you find someone who’d be a good King, then neither of us would have to be lonely.”

Victor beamed at me, his smile at odds with the tears in his eyes. “Yuuri, in case you hadn’t noticed, I don’t particularly want to be King either. And I don’t want to be your friend.” I looked up at him, shocked. Did that mean he was just going to send me home? “Yuuri, _Moy solnishka._ ” Victor said, taking my hand. “Please be my boyfriend.”

Now my eyes were filling with tears as well. “But Victor, the crown! You’re to be King! Your advisors won’t accept me!” Victor just chuckled. “We’ve come too far to worry about that now. Please Yuuri, I can’t imagine having to spend my life with someone else. Be mine?”

I sighed, stepping forward to hug him. “Of course.” I whispered into his chest. We just stood there for a while, then. Just holding on to each other to forget that we’d have to let go at some point. Staying close because, to be honest, we didn’t know whether or not we could be close in the future. “How are we going to do this?” I said, looking up at him. Victor smiled. “I’ve already made preparations, follow me.” He said, as he led me into the throne room.

I figured he’d go in with me, but he just pointed to a chair in front of the throne and smiled at me. “There’s someone I need to talk to first. Please wait here until I come back.”

 

“You have two options here, sir.” Gilligan said, shuffling the papers in front of him. Victor had just announced our courtship to the members of the board and the members of his Royal family. I’d hoped to have a friendly shoulder to lean on, but my friends were sitting at their designated table, and Yuri was nowhere to be seen. Where was he at such an important moment? Luckily, Isolde saw me struggling and went over to me. Her presence felt comforting, and I was glad for it.

“Your first option is to wed sir Phichit of the province Thainov. Your advisers think of this as the most logical thing to do. You could become King this way, before the end of the month.” Gilligan said solemnly. Sasha nodded and he continued for Gilligan. “The other option is to relinquish your right to the crown and marry sir Yuuri. This would mean your sister Aline would take the crown when she turns 21. In the remaining seven years, however, we would rule for her.”

Murmurs erupted all around me. Of course. They just want power. Installing Aline as queen would give them seven years to make this country into whatever they saw as fit. They’d change everything, and given the opinions the advisors have each expressed in my time here, I was sure they wouldn’t change it for the better. I looked at Victor. What was he going to do?

“No.” Victor said loudly, effectively shutting up everyone in the crowded room. The advisors looked at him, each with more venom in their eyes than I’d thought humanly possible. Victor shivered, a movement so slight, I was sure only I’d noticed. He stood up from his throne and glanced around the room. So dramatic.

“I have made a decision, and it’s not one of the options you’ve so _kindly_ provided for me.” I saw Gilligan bite his lip, and I realized he already knew they’d been defeated. I didn’t like anyone on the board, but out of all of the advisers, Gilligan was the only one I at least admired a little.

“I have a solution for our problem. It is correct that I can’t be King if I marry Yuuri, as you haven’t accepted him as a Royal. You have every right to do that, and I have to admit you may not be wrong.” An apologetic glance thrown my way. I didn’t mind, he was right. I was no King. “But you forget, there is someone else you already ought to have accepted as a Royal years ago.”

Vladimir and Sasha looked confused, but Gilligan and Joran just nodded. Isolde. She hadn’t been accepted when she was born, as the late King would’ve lost his crown if a scandal like that was revealed. However, as soon as the late queen passed away, Isolde’s existence should’ve been acknowledged. She, unlike me, had Royal blood, and had the right to be viewed as Royal. Yet it hadn’t happened, and she’d remained a servant.

As a daughter of the late King, she was the second heir to the throne, as she was older than Aline and Luka. _She_ was the only person in this room I could see as a rightful ruler. Victor was a genius! One problem remained though, as Gilligan noted. “Isolde is not married. It clearly says in our law that a person cannot be ruler if they’re not married when they’re crowned.”

“Actually…” A voice said from somewhere in the back of the room. Yuri. Where had he been? “I retrieved the law book from the Royal Library. What we’ve all believed to be true, what our advisors have been telling us for ages, is a lie.” I heard gasps come from all around me. The advisers had lied?

“A person does not have to be married to be crowned ruler of this country, per se. As long as enough members of the Royal family approve, there is no need for a marriage.” Isolde had been standing next to me, and I saw the wonder on her face. She hadn’t known this either.

“How come no one knew this for so long?” I pondered, and Yuri smiled devilishly at me. “Because not a single person in this room had actually read the law book. The laws in our country are ridiculously outdated and should be updated.” He turned to Isolde and smiled. “Dear cousin, I suggest that you make that your second point on your agenda, as soon you’re established as royal and queen.”

“And what do you suggest is my first?” Isolde smiled, that twinkle in her eyes. Yuri grinned, and I couldn’t hide my smile as well. Victor walked over to us, and put an arm around his sister. “You fire these shitheads that call themselves the Board of Advisers.”

 

 

It had been two years exactly. Two years ago today, Victor asked me to be his boyfriend. Two years since the process of making my anxiety disappear had started. Two years since Isolde had been declared Royal, and two years minus two months since she’d been crowned Queen. The first ruling monarch without a spouse.

Today we celebrated. We’d drink and laugh until the sun came up and we passed out. Whichever happened first. But right now, I didn’t care about any of that. All I cared about was Victor’s hand in mine, sporting a ring that matched mine. All I wanted right now, was to dance. Not to forget my (still slightly) troubled mind, no. This time, I was dancing to remember this moment forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you've enjoyed reading this!  
> Please feel free to leave comments :)


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